umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
