i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
