My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
