He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
