it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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