I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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