Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
she smelled like a LAN party
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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