So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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