When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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