dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
