i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
