No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
