then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
