there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
