there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize