she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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