Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
