i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
