I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
