Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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