Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
thus making me awesome and them whores
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
