Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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