I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
