Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
