SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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