I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I have aggressive nipples.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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