I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
