I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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