help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
