I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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