Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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