I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
