Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
This is classic penis vs brain.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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