you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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