I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
