The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
