And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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