Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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