I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He felt like a one man threesome
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
