I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
