You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
