Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
