So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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