we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
