she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
How's work?
Spinning.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
