I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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