Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
