I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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