first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
