Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
