Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
