you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
