I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
