How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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