She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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