Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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