No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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