I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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