Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize