Apparently you make a good broom.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
