Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
