When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You took a bar mat shot.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
