if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
