That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize