i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
