Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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