i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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