Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
