You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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